Finally

49 hours, 0 cigarettes. Oh yeah, and I start Krav Maga tonight. Preparing myself for pain and lots of bruises.

I tried to find a non-copyrighted image of a sad mime, with zero success.

Apparently the only time I have to blog is when my husband is deployed. It is time yet again. He left yesterday. I am giving myself one week to mope/weep/be pissed off at the world. Then I'm going to use these seven months to get my shit together. Become a better attorney, a better wife, a better friend. Here's the plan, my resolutions of sort:

1. quit smoking
2. lose the poundage I packed on since the wedding by finally joining a gym and cooking at home more
3. organize our tiny apartment
4. read a book from cover to cover
5. make use of my netflix account to catch up on all the movies I've wanted to see forever
6. learn to use the damn sewing machine
7. explore the general geographic area - there's so much stuff to do around here that I've never gotten around to doing
8. take my camera everywhere and document stuff so J doesn't feel so out of the loop
9. send the best care packages ever


I hate resolutions. But right now I hate everything around and about me - my job, our apartment, my lack of healthy choices. I guess no time like now.

Money money money money.

I've been spending money like a redneck who just won the lottery. Well, not really, but I could certainly do better - pay off some credit cards etc. But since this is the first time in my life that I have a job that pays relatively well, and a new apartment to make "homey," it's been a bit tough holding back. Plus, it's my first holiday season as a "married person" and I want the house to look DONE when J gets back from his field exercise next week. Here's hoping.

Why oh why is every print on Etsy so effing infantile? What is this cultural obsession with 40 year old men acting like frat boys (Forgetting Sara Marshall, Knocked Up, etc.) and grown women buying into all the kitsch??? If I have to see another kewpie - looking portrait, or another drawing with some sort of heart motif. or another fantasy/vampire/wanna be pin up girl print, or another screen print of a g-damn bunny I will vomit all over the keyboard. What the hell are those of us who want non-bare walls to do? Sigh.

P.S. I wanted to post examples of what I'm talking about, but decided against it. Because "artists" who have zero taste may still have feelings. Also, I really don't want to get sued.

It's hot in hell...and lonely!

Sometimes I feel like my life will never be "normal," whatever that may mean. I want calmness, stability, and predictability, with a good dose of fun thrown in. Instead, I have constant upheavals - the Bar, planning a wedding, moving, etc.

J and I have moved into our new apartment in Corona, CA. It was affordable, it's closer to the base where J is stationed, and not too far from OC where all my friends are. The move has been relatively easy - everything works, and I now have cable and internet. The new couch arrives today! But I still feel uneasy. Planning a wedding to an active duty military guy is not something I would recommend, especially with the current status of world affairs. I keep worrying about him not being able to make the wedding constantly. Needless to say, this has not made for an enjoyable pre-wedding period. More than anything, I'm pissed off that I don't even get to enjoy THIS. But that's the price we pay. I keep telling myself that I knew what I was getting into, I "let" him enlist, and I'm so proud of him. But no amount of foresight can ever prepare you for what actually happens. The constant worry, not knowing if your future husband will even make his own wedding because of something stupid, missing him like crazy, not being able to be in the same household even after we are married, all of that is inhumanely difficult. Thank G*d for my girls - you all are awesome, even if it wouldn't hurt you to drive out here to the boonies and visit :-)

On a brighter note, tomorrow is my bachelorette fiasco. We're going out to dinner and then to a "wine lounge." And Steph has just asked me whether me wearing "anything with male genitalia" on it is out of the question. Stay tuned for more, including photos!

How many lawyers does it take to get off an island?

You know those nights where just about everything is funny? Last night was one of those. A bunch of us went to a house party thrown by our friend Joel. Joel's house is in Newport Beach/Costa Mesa area, right past Triangle Square. So we caravan over there, a bunch of ppl piled into 2 cars. We pull over to park, and there is the largest sobriety check point known to man across the street from Joel's. No worries, as we are a pretty responsible bunch, but we do think it's pretty funny. And the check point was HUGE. The street was blocked off, there was about 50+ cops out there, those ginormous stadium lights, and a drunk tank. Not only that, but the Newport Beach Police Department sent out a press release regarding this very checkpoint earlier in the week! So this is literally the MOTHER of all checkpoints. Anyways. We go to Joel's, fun is had by all. I have my 2.5 beers, we laugh, we make fun of ppl, the usual. When it is time to leave, we are very much aware that the checkpoint is still there. Now our driver, Nicole, is totally sober. The rest of us are very close to sober. Responsible law students! The car is parked literally on the other side of the street from the checkpoint. We get in the car, aware that we are being watched by the entire Newport Beach police force, and drive forward. We need to turn around to get back home, but none of us want to deal with the checkpoint. So we decide to take side streets. And this is where it gets good. The Newport-Costa Mesa border is literally a bunch of twisty-turney little streets, a maze of beach apartment complexes. And we get lost. We drive around narrow alleys for a good 20 minutes. There are dead ends. All the alleys look alike. We have no idea how to get out. It's like Bourne Identity, minus Matt Damon, but with a car full of shrieking idiots. I don't think I've laughed that hard in a very long time. And then one of us brilliantly remembers that we went over a tiny bridge at one point! Apparently we were stuck on some sort of island, driving around in circles, trying to avoid a checkpoint. Yes. An island. Somehow, we got back over the bridge, and eventually found our way out of the maze. Good times were had by all. And hats off to Nicole! Thanks for driving!

It better be a nice handbasket

Anti-smoking commercials make me want to light up. Thinking about exercise makes me want to sleep. Reading about how bad preservatives/hormones/pesticides/meat products are for my health makes me go and microwave a Pepperoni and Sausage Lean Pocket. I'm a rebel, I tell you. Without a cause. Or shame.

Here we go again

...and I'm back. Sorry for the lack of posting lately, but I've been in the black hole of laziness that is my parents' house in the Bay Area. Let me sum up my vacation. Sleep - eat - read - eat - sleep - eat - read etc. I didn't even watch TV! Oh how I needed that. School starts on Tuesday, and I'm ready to get my last semester over with...and I'm mentally preparing for the Bar. Blah.
--------------------

There was ONE thing that happened over the last two weeks - I got a wedding dress! It was by sheer dumb luck. It was not what I was looking for, but apparently what I was originally looking for was a horrible idea. Which just goes to show you - gotta try shiz on. I would've never picked this dress based on what it looked like on the hanger. But now I can't imagine wearing anything else.

Ladies, I gotta tell you. This wedding dress search/try on extravaganza is crazy. Some salespeople take themselves VERY seriously. God bless the poor lady who almost wept as she forced a TIARA (!) on my head, and then a long veil. Y'all know me - do I look like I wear tiaras or veils???? I literally had to pry her hands off my head. When I tell you I don't want a tiara I mean it.

And one other thing I've learned from the experience - apparently when the salesperson asks you "what do you want to look like" the correct answer is "like a princess." That is the only acceptable answer. I guess everyone (except for me and at least one other very stylin' lady that I know, you know who you are) wants to be a freaking princess. Why, I have no idea. Can someone explain this to me? Is it Disney's fault? Daddy issues?
-------------------

Oh yeah. I can cross some stuff off my "to do/to see/to read" lists. Juno = awesomeness. Loved it. L-O-V-E-D. I finally read "Love in the Time of Cholera" and I don't see what the big deal is. I am a big fan of classic epic love stories, but this one just did not do anything for me. Sorry to Mr. Marquez, I hope he and his Nobel Prize for literature are very happy together.

Booyah!

Haaaaaaaah! Such small things bring me so much joy sometimes. Let me back up for a moment. Jen and I live above a (and we're pretty sure of this) real life crack whore. She's got a different dude over there almost every week, and she goes into her garage (which is in a different building) in a bathrobe on a regular basis and shuts the garage door. We're positive she's doing drugs. We've had issues with this biotch and her spawn since we've moved in a year and a half ago. At one point they were having nightly screaming matches which consisted of him whining and crying, and her screaming at the top of her rotted out lungs that she "fucking hates" him, that he's a "fucking little bastard" (she's got a point there) and that he "has ruined her life." She allows him to have like 10 delinquent buddies over, and then screams at all of them to "get the f*&*ck out of my house" at 3am.

Anyways. After MULTIPLE complaints to the overpaid and incompetent management, they've gotten several stern talkings-to and letters. The latest info we have is that they've gotten their last warning - as in if we complain one more time they're getting evicted. I don't believe this will happen, as they've already gotten an eviction notice once, but then the bitch cried to the management about how she's a single mom and blah blah blah, the manager felt sorry for her but assured us that it was the last time. Since then, things are more quiet, but still not normal.

Which brings me to about 5 minutes ago. The little f*&*cker was screwing around with his buddies (it's almost midnight), throwing them into the walls and what-have-you, causing a general ruckus. I got fed up and went into Jen's room where I proceeded to jump up and down several times, making the floor (and their ceiling) shake. Hahahaha. Two seconds later the mom/crack whore started screaming at the little bastard to shut the hell up etc. Small victory for me. As I said, little things make me happy.

I know you're all jealous

Justice Clarence Thomas is going to be at my law school today for a big event...and I get to meet him (hopefully). Yay! Keep watching for an update. On a different note, I L-O-V-E this Dryel home dry cleaning shiz that I got. It even "refreshed" my suit that I'm wearing to give J. Thomas his props later on! Thanks to Dryel, I will be smellin' F-R-E-S-H instead of N-A-S-T-Y. I'm sure the Secret Service will appreciate my efforts.

...and I guess that's why they call it "the blues."

Maybe old Elton John wasn't the greatest idea right now. Blah. Now I'm all depressed. I feel like I cannot get out of this "finals period" which is over 3 weeks this semester. Good God! I like that I have time between finals but I just want them over, and they just keep going and going. Get me out of here!

I've been really good this deployment. I don't listen to sad music (unlike during bootcamp which was a baaaad idea). I try not to dwell. But some days are just blah. And J's team has been running a crazy schedule the last few days, so no calls, only one little email telling me not to worry etc. BLAH. I want a call damn it! Poor guys hasn't slept in days and I'm the one whining. Go figure.

Weekend

Vegas. With the parents. And the aunt and uncle. Good times. Lots of buffets and junk food/cigarettes/not so much alcohol.
--------------------

This is for you. The Barbie-looking drunk chick that sat behind me at the Cirque du Soleil Beatles show with her guido-looking boyfriend. Have some freaking class and shut the F*CK UP when you're in a theater! The tickets are $140 and I did not pay that money to hear YOUR drunken tirades about how much you just loooove the Beatles. I do not want to hear your commentary of every costume and musical selection. And yes, I was serious when I turned around mid-show and told you to keep it down. Don't look so shocked and appalled. You're lucky I didn't have your skanky-nasty-bleached blond-entire Mac counter makeup wearing ass thrown out for being obnoxious. I was very close.
--------------------

The Beatles Cirque du Soleil show: kinda lame! It was pretty and all, the stage production was amazing (as all Cirque setups are). But it was in no way worth $140 per freaking ticket. It was basically glorified dancing to Beatles songs. Not much "cirque" at all - maybe a couple of rope climbers here and there. Overall disappointment. I wanted to see all the cool circus stuff the other Cirque shows have... but apparently they were going for the kitsch mass appeal factor. Just another reason to have a ridiculous gift shop with overpriced Yellow Submarine boxer shorts. LAME. John Lennon is turning over in his grave.

It's all fun and games until someone starts foaming at the mouth

So today, on happy happy Turkey day, I went to Jonathan's aunt's house where I met up with with my future in laws and assorted family members. My parents are driving to Vegas tomorrow morning, where I will meet them. Aunt Ida's is always fun and pretty much insane. There are always like 50 people over there, and tons of food, and kids, and dogs and lots and lots of wine and Smirnoff Ice (YES). Usually, it's the same people that I always expect, but this time someone's aunt/sister/something or other was there with her husband. During the end of the night, we were trying to fit the entire bunch of people into one picture to send to Jonathan...we were laughing about how difficult it was to fit everyone in etc. when the aunt/sister/something or other had a seizure! Like full on foam at the mouth, turning blue, speaking tongues! The ambulance came, she was taken to the hospital and I'm hoping all is well. How random is that? I feel really bad for the poor lady, and I'm probably going straight to hell for thinking that (1) the situation is semi-ridiculous thus morbidly amusing and (2) thank ___ that it wasn't one of the people I've come to know so well. Having said that...I'm going to go pack. I hear hell is hot this time of year.
--------------------

When I got home from the turkey orgy, I ate an entire bag of Pepperidge Farm snickerdoodles. And then I promptly decided that I need to get back on the work out horse before I become one of those girls who hides family size packs of Oreos in the closet and eats them when no one is looking late at night while listening to some love-yourself Alicia Keys ballad. I've been meaning to start doing yoga again for a while, and now is as good time as any. So I did a full 45 min workout...it felt amazing, as yoga always does. Let's see how long I can keep this up.
--------------------

Jon wrote me 2 emails on Tuesday, and then he...called! Like an actual phone conversation! I won't go into all the gloriously mushy details, but he's doing well, they're relatively safe etc. It was so good to have an actual conversation with him where we laughed about stuff, and talked about the news/movies etc. That was only my 3rd phone call in 3 months...and as much as I love my very frequent email contact there's nothing like hearing his voice. I love that man.

Say a little prayer for me...

Tomorrow is the day of my final trial in Trial Practice class. I've been working on it nonstop and have now come to the conclusion that it is hopeless. The fact pattern is just confusing, and full of unexpected pitfalls. Oh well, I'm just glad that it will be over tomorrow night. Oh yeah, and I have not written my closing argument yet. I plan on getting up early and starting with a fresh mind. Riiiight.

No title

This is about that time of the year where my posts are going to start having a LOT of swearing in it. Or at least I'll be thinking a lot more swear words in my head when I'm typing them. Lets see here. We have finals in about 2 weeks. I have a trial on Monday I have yet to prep for, a law journal assignment due tomorrow, and several classes to cram for. One of such classes happens to be something I have yet to read for. Do you think it's too late? Yeah, me too.
--------------------

Our freaking DVR (it's like a Tivo) has been freaking out lately. If spazzed out last week and didn't record The Office, for which I will never forgive it. It also didn't record Gray's Anatomy, which was somewhat less sad. Today, it decided on a repeat performance and refused to record anything at all. In fact it refused to work. So now we just have regular TV. We get all the channels, but you can't switch between them by clicking around on the remote. Maybe it's the cable? Or a combination of the two? In either case this needs to get resolved. NOW.
--------------------

Thanksgiving is next week, and I've already been pigging out on pumpkin pie at every opportunity I get. Mmmmmm. This is the second year in a row when J's not going to be home for the holidays. And as much as it sucks for me, it will really suck for him, poor guy. They've promised him a Thanksgiving meal, and I'm pretty sure they will deliver, as long as his team isn't out on a mission at that exact time. Last year on Thanksgiving he got one of his only phone calls (the other one being Christmas) and he was so hoarse that I didn't recognize him at first. Plus we were both crying hysterically. Hopefully this year will be a bit better.

When he called me on Christmas day, I was home with the parents. My mom was very shocked by the fact that he called ME, and not his mom. I thought that was very funny because to me it was not shocking at all. I think that was when my parents finally realized how serious things have gotten. A lot of things happen in a year.

He's still waiting for the phones to be put in. They've been deployed for almost 3 months, and phone access is still miserable. Thank God for the Internet (I guess the entity I should really be thanking is Al Gore. Thank you Mr. Gore).
--------------------

My parents are going to Vegas the day after Thanksgiving. I am joining them for a couple of days, finals prep be damned. I will justify this by listening to my 10 hours of Wills and Trusts audio CDs, which will hopefully teach me Wills and Trusts. Yay me.

#$*&@*&!!!!

Next semester will be my last school semester EVER. So naturally, I've been plotting to take it easy - have a few days a week off, take interesting yet easy classes. I had it all planned out, and amazingly the school schedule was cooperating. Today, a few hours before registration was to begin, the bastards switched a class that was fitting into my schedule perfectly and moved it to entirely different days!!!! Now I have to scramble to find classes, take stuff I do not want to take, etc. Who the *$%@ does that??? They couldn't figure out what days the classes were to be on BEFORE the day of registration??? Life sucks. And then you have to register for classes.

Good thing I'm not an environmentalist

My dad has always said that I single-handedly keep printers in business. I think he's right. I spend so much freaking money on magazines that it's kind of sick. And I keep telling myself that I'll subscribe, saving myself tons of money, because who am I kidding - I'll still need my magazine fix. Exhibit A - my Barnes and Noble rampage today. But I am researching the cheapest subscriptions tonight. There are websites where you can get one for like $5-10 per year...I've done it before, and I'm about to do it again. The insanity stops NOW.

FYI - This is what I got:

1. US Weekly
2. Shop Smart (I'm pretty sure they won't be suggesting not buying magazines)
3. Self (because I have to get in shape for a wedding, and reading Self gets me motivated for at least one workout...small price to pay)
4. Weight Watchers (see above...this makes me not eat blocks of cheese for about 2 days)
5. Blueprint (Martha Steward publication...she bugs me)
6. Body + Soul (MS again)
7. Martha Stewart Weddings
8. Domino (love love love)

Update: I did it! I got literally probably 15 magazines...one year subscriptions...all for waaay under $100. Money well spent. If you wanna know how I did it ask me, I'll edumacate you.

Doomsday

Sooooo tomorrow morning is the MPRE. The Model Professional Responsibility Exam. For those of you who have not had the privilege of attending law school, it's just another hoop we have to jump through to be able to practice law, and at least this one costs less than $100 to take, unlike pretty much everything else that is even remotely related to law school. I have to get up at an ungodly hour to make the trek to downtown LA and be ready to "test" at 9am. URGHH. Why there are zero testing facilities in Orange County is beyond me. Pray that I pass, so that I won't have to retake it in March!

i AM staying busy!!!!

If I hear one more person tell me to "just stay busy" right now I'm going to scream. I'm freaking busy enough, thank you very much. Sometime empty words really do mean nothing.

Hellooooooooooooo

It seems like everyone is getting in on the blogging action. Well, to be more accurate, everyone has already gotten on the blogging action. I'm a dying breed. But we'll see how it works out - I may bore myself to death, or I may surprise myself. What I do know is that blogging takes discipline, which I've been very much lacking lately. So maybe this will force me to have just a bit of structure and accountability. Hah!