Ok now it feels like vacation

I just got back from an all-girls all-perfection day of fun. First of all, my hilarious friend Bridget is home for the holidays. We went to UCLA together, and she is too freaking funny for words. The girl deferred Harvard Law for two years and is now spending that "time off" at the London School of Economics. Shiza! But despite all the brainpower, she is literally pee-in-your-pants funny. And gets along with absolutely anyone and everyone. Her and I met up with my usual girl crew at the most obnoxious Orange County mall - Southcoast Plaza, and we terrorized that place for like 5 hours. It was awesomeness at its best. No one really bought anything, but we walked around, made fun of everything and everyone, and just had a generally incredible time. Happy holidays!

Oldy but goody

I don't know why, but I thought of this website tonight. It's been around forever, but the idea still makes me crack up. Check it out if you haven't yet.

Cats that look like Hitler

Booyah!

Haaaaaaaah! Such small things bring me so much joy sometimes. Let me back up for a moment. Jen and I live above a (and we're pretty sure of this) real life crack whore. She's got a different dude over there almost every week, and she goes into her garage (which is in a different building) in a bathrobe on a regular basis and shuts the garage door. We're positive she's doing drugs. We've had issues with this biotch and her spawn since we've moved in a year and a half ago. At one point they were having nightly screaming matches which consisted of him whining and crying, and her screaming at the top of her rotted out lungs that she "fucking hates" him, that he's a "fucking little bastard" (she's got a point there) and that he "has ruined her life." She allows him to have like 10 delinquent buddies over, and then screams at all of them to "get the f*&*ck out of my house" at 3am.

Anyways. After MULTIPLE complaints to the overpaid and incompetent management, they've gotten several stern talkings-to and letters. The latest info we have is that they've gotten their last warning - as in if we complain one more time they're getting evicted. I don't believe this will happen, as they've already gotten an eviction notice once, but then the bitch cried to the management about how she's a single mom and blah blah blah, the manager felt sorry for her but assured us that it was the last time. Since then, things are more quiet, but still not normal.

Which brings me to about 5 minutes ago. The little f*&*cker was screwing around with his buddies (it's almost midnight), throwing them into the walls and what-have-you, causing a general ruckus. I got fed up and went into Jen's room where I proceeded to jump up and down several times, making the floor (and their ceiling) shake. Hahahaha. Two seconds later the mom/crack whore started screaming at the little bastard to shut the hell up etc. Small victory for me. As I said, little things make me happy.

A bit Stepford, no?

If I had a "real" job, this is what I'd wear....

I'm shocked. Shocked and...oh who the eff am I kidding?

What's with the Spears-females ovaries? Or, more appropriately, uteri (plural of uterus?) Is there a birth control pill shortage in wherever the hell they are getting sperminated? Latex allergies? We know that ain't true for the bald one...
WTF is wrong with them?

And on a different note...enough with the gay porn ads on PerezHilton.com. I get it. You're gay. Congratulations. I'm over the gay porn. And straight porn for that matter.

Blog post #245 (today)

I'm often asked why my family left the Soviet Union. Exhibit D: these dolls, which are apparently Russian-made.

Writers strike = The Office withdrawals

For your viewing pleasure:

Domestic goddess I am not...

My friend Kristina, whom I haven't talked to since college blogged about her awesome Christmas present. Interestingly enough, I've been drooling over the exact same thing for ages...and will definitely ask for one as a wedding present. How freaking awesome are these???

I know you're all jealous

Justice Clarence Thomas is going to be at my law school today for a big event...and I get to meet him (hopefully). Yay! Keep watching for an update. On a different note, I L-O-V-E this Dryel home dry cleaning shiz that I got. It even "refreshed" my suit that I'm wearing to give J. Thomas his props later on! Thanks to Dryel, I will be smellin' F-R-E-S-H instead of N-A-S-T-Y. I'm sure the Secret Service will appreciate my efforts.

No comprende

Can someone explain to me what the BFD is with Dolce and Gabbana? I don't get it. To me, it's all atrocious, or skanky, or (most of the time) both. Exhibit A: does that look pretty to you? Classy? Stylish? Original? Anything positive at all?

The search continues

I just looked through about 1600 photos of wedding dresses. Not joking. And out of those, how many did I like? 2. And even those 2 were so-so. I'm walking down the isle nekkid. Which would probably be much appreciated.
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Can I just get married in this? It's on sale for $199!

...and I guess that's why they call it "the blues."

Maybe old Elton John wasn't the greatest idea right now. Blah. Now I'm all depressed. I feel like I cannot get out of this "finals period" which is over 3 weeks this semester. Good God! I like that I have time between finals but I just want them over, and they just keep going and going. Get me out of here!

I've been really good this deployment. I don't listen to sad music (unlike during bootcamp which was a baaaad idea). I try not to dwell. But some days are just blah. And J's team has been running a crazy schedule the last few days, so no calls, only one little email telling me not to worry etc. BLAH. I want a call damn it! Poor guys hasn't slept in days and I'm the one whining. Go figure.

Ahhhhh....

I don't really have anything to add.

Team Cayton update

J's company got new phones put in! Now instead of ONE per thousand (or howmanyever guys there are in a company) there are SEVERAL phones. And since his platoon is on night watch most of the time he gets to call! I'm so excited I could burst. It's weird hearing his voice on a regular basis now, it makes it seem like he's on a business trip or something. Like our lives are almost normal.