Get over it

People need to calm down. All this Bachelor lunacy is ridiculous. He picks Melissa, then dumps her and picks the other one, Molly. What's the big deal? Oh that he did it on national TV? You mean like the rest of the show??? Like ABC had nothing to do with this? Seriously people. Get a hold of yourself. Was it douchebag-ey? Perhaps. But as Melissa admits now, she wasn't actually dumped on national TV. They broke up way before. And she's already "in love" with someone else who she's been dating on and off for 2 years. Poor her, so heart broken! Besides, Melissa was annoying. She acted like a 12 year old. And it was pretty obvious that what he "loved" about her was that she was obsessed with him. I was rooting for Molly anyways :-)

And this is the first Bachelorette I will watch in years, mainly b/c it's Jillian, whom I loved.

I cannot believe I just blogged about this. I need help.

Do we really even need to talk about this? Because I think it speaks for itself. This is what we call "res ipsa loquitur" in lawyer-speak. Although I don't know if it can even speak with all that shit in its lips. Look at the full-sized image at your own risk. And please oh please note the purple eyeliner.

I finally decided on a computer, and went out and got it today. We need a desktop since we're so grown up and stuff now. The dinky laptop just wasn't cutting it. I love it. It's a Sony all-in-one, kind of like an iMac, except with 4 times the memory and 500 bucks cheaper. Oh yeah, and it's not a Mac. Whatev. I love it nonetheless. Hope J approves.

Finally

49 hours, 0 cigarettes. Oh yeah, and I start Krav Maga tonight. Preparing myself for pain and lots of bruises.

I tried to find a non-copyrighted image of a sad mime, with zero success.

Apparently the only time I have to blog is when my husband is deployed. It is time yet again. He left yesterday. I am giving myself one week to mope/weep/be pissed off at the world. Then I'm going to use these seven months to get my shit together. Become a better attorney, a better wife, a better friend. Here's the plan, my resolutions of sort:

1. quit smoking
2. lose the poundage I packed on since the wedding by finally joining a gym and cooking at home more
3. organize our tiny apartment
4. read a book from cover to cover
5. make use of my netflix account to catch up on all the movies I've wanted to see forever
6. learn to use the damn sewing machine
7. explore the general geographic area - there's so much stuff to do around here that I've never gotten around to doing
8. take my camera everywhere and document stuff so J doesn't feel so out of the loop
9. send the best care packages ever


I hate resolutions. But right now I hate everything around and about me - my job, our apartment, my lack of healthy choices. I guess no time like now.

And we're back....

You know, that last post was a bit strained. My peeps (ahem) have been bugging me to start blogging again, but I just didn't know what to say. Three seconds after I uploaded the last post I stumbled onto this:


And now I'm speechless not because I don't have anything to say, but because I have too much. And none of it is very nice. Excuse me while I stop my brain from exploding.

Money money money money.

I've been spending money like a redneck who just won the lottery. Well, not really, but I could certainly do better - pay off some credit cards etc. But since this is the first time in my life that I have a job that pays relatively well, and a new apartment to make "homey," it's been a bit tough holding back. Plus, it's my first holiday season as a "married person" and I want the house to look DONE when J gets back from his field exercise next week. Here's hoping.

Why oh why is every print on Etsy so effing infantile? What is this cultural obsession with 40 year old men acting like frat boys (Forgetting Sara Marshall, Knocked Up, etc.) and grown women buying into all the kitsch??? If I have to see another kewpie - looking portrait, or another drawing with some sort of heart motif. or another fantasy/vampire/wanna be pin up girl print, or another screen print of a g-damn bunny I will vomit all over the keyboard. What the hell are those of us who want non-bare walls to do? Sigh.

P.S. I wanted to post examples of what I'm talking about, but decided against it. Because "artists" who have zero taste may still have feelings. Also, I really don't want to get sued.

Good girl

How cute is Posh's new haircut? I wish I could pull this off...

Bueno!

There is a little auto mechanic shop in Fontana (yes I was in Fontana) named "Si Se Puede Smog Check." I laughed out loud, but then realized that at least they were using the phrase in its natural way. For those of you who don't know, Wikipedia says this:

Sí, se puede (Spanish for "Yes, It can be done!" or "Yes, you (formal) can do it!") is the motto of the United Farm Workers. In 1972, during Cesar Chavez's 25 day fastPhoenix, Arizona, he and UFW's co-founder, Dolores Huerta came up with the slogan.^[1] in

The phrase has been widely adopted by other labor unions and civil rights organizations and drew widespread political and media attention as a rallying cry during the 2006 U.S. immigration reform protests

I, for one, would love to take my car to "Yes, it can be done!" smog check. Yes, please. I would not, however, love to go to a United Farmworkers rally.

Wedding teaser

We did it! The wedding has finally come and gone (pictures will be posted soon), and it was a success (with all the little dramas of the day, at the end of it all we are married, after all). At this point, it is still all a giant blur. I don't remember much of the ceremony, except it being very funny at moments, like when I almost fell walking down the slippery aisle, or when I couldn't get J's ring onto his finger, or when we both started repeating after the Rabbi when we were not supposed to. No wedding is perfect, but it's the little things that make it "yours."

We had very little time for pictures, b/c the hair and makeup took soooo long. The groomsmen were rowdy, and very hard to get them to stand still. J's family is huge, and to get them all into a picture was an adventure, so by the time all that was done we had almost no time for portraits. The photographer was amazing, and she snapped some photos of just the two of us later in the night, outside by a fountain and a fireplace, so hopefully those will turn out well.

My dad's toast was hilarious. I don't know if he got the "toast, not roast" concept, but it worked. Everyone was cracking up and tearing up at the same time. My beautiful bridesmaids all spoke, and each one made me cry. J's boys also did well - he has amazing friends who really love him a lot, and it showed.

The hora was out of control. I never thought that many people would participate, but I swear the entire wedding was out on the dance floor, surrounding us in circles. Once the chairs were up in the air, it was absolutely insane. The sheer terror of falling, combined with watching everyone dance around us was totally surreal and wonderful.

At the end of it all, what we really wanted was a good party. Lots of yummy food, great music (the DJ was a superstar!) and an open bar didn't hurt, either. The last few hours of the reception were my absolute favorite. All our friends and immediate family stuck around til the very end, drinking, dancing, goofing off. There was an impromptu rendition of Bohemian Rhapsody by all the guys, a chorus of "I got friends in low places" and a hilarious serenade of "You've lost that loving feeling." Faith and Ryan performed their gift to us, an interpretive dance set to "Power of love" by Huey Lewis. We laughed so hard we almost cried. I was dancing around with bottles of beer in my well-manicured hands.

I wish it lasted longer. I wish we could repeat it over and over, so that I wouldn't miss a single moment. I wish there were 500 cameras following us around all day. But at the end of the day, I have a husband who loves me in a way I've always wanted to be loved, and whom I adore to the moon and the stars. I couldn't have asked for more.

It's hot in hell...and lonely!

Sometimes I feel like my life will never be "normal," whatever that may mean. I want calmness, stability, and predictability, with a good dose of fun thrown in. Instead, I have constant upheavals - the Bar, planning a wedding, moving, etc.

J and I have moved into our new apartment in Corona, CA. It was affordable, it's closer to the base where J is stationed, and not too far from OC where all my friends are. The move has been relatively easy - everything works, and I now have cable and internet. The new couch arrives today! But I still feel uneasy. Planning a wedding to an active duty military guy is not something I would recommend, especially with the current status of world affairs. I keep worrying about him not being able to make the wedding constantly. Needless to say, this has not made for an enjoyable pre-wedding period. More than anything, I'm pissed off that I don't even get to enjoy THIS. But that's the price we pay. I keep telling myself that I knew what I was getting into, I "let" him enlist, and I'm so proud of him. But no amount of foresight can ever prepare you for what actually happens. The constant worry, not knowing if your future husband will even make his own wedding because of something stupid, missing him like crazy, not being able to be in the same household even after we are married, all of that is inhumanely difficult. Thank G*d for my girls - you all are awesome, even if it wouldn't hurt you to drive out here to the boonies and visit :-)

On a brighter note, tomorrow is my bachelorette fiasco. We're going out to dinner and then to a "wine lounge." And Steph has just asked me whether me wearing "anything with male genitalia" on it is out of the question. Stay tuned for more, including photos!

Wedding update

The Bar is over. The wedding crunch is here. Here is what has happened in the last couple of weeks:
1. My wedding planner (whom I adored) at the hotel had to go into emergency surgery and is not back at work. Another planner is supposed to take over for her.
2. My Rabbi canceled due to a "family event" he could not get out of...2 days before the bar. I've found a replacement Rabbi, hope she works out.
3. My florist has been "promoted" at the florist company and is no longer my florist. The owner does not have a clue who will take over for him, but I'm assured it will be fine. I may have believed her, but she had no idea what kind of flowers they were supposed to be using, nor anything else that I've discussed with my original florist.

If any of my other vendors decide to get promoted, get sick, or have a family event to got to...please tell me BEFORE THE EFFING WEDDING!!!!

P.S. I (think) I have stayed as calm as possible considering everything. But I now see why some brides may get ridiculously overstressed. Here's a suggestion: the only person who is allowed to call a bride "bridezilla" is the bride herself. Unless she is being a monumental bitch, cut the girl some slack. Because while wedding planning is fun and exciting, it is also incredibly stressful. And this comment in no way suggests that I have been called "bridezilla" by my near and dear. Just a general comment on the status of affairs.

Oh what the !*#*!

Shiz. I haven't posted since April. Well. I guess I have some catching up to do. I've been MIA mainly b/c so much crap is going on that I feel like I can never post enough to cover it all, and I become paralyzed at the prospect. Let me catch you up. I passed my last set of finals, graduated law school, planned a wedding (mostly) and am now 2 days away from taking the California Bar. Just typing that made me exhausted, I may require a nap now. More details to follow after the test to end all tests.

This is why it is worth it

I'm in full-on finals mode. J is in the kitchen doing nasty, crusty dishes. He's also doing laundry at the same time. This morning he brought me IHOP breakfast take-out. Then he brought me Jamba Juice and went grocery shopping. Yesterday he picked up chinese. On Friday night I was craving frozen yogurt when all the yogurt shops were already closed. So he went to the store and got me ice cream and raspberries. Weekends like this make me wonder how I manage to tie my own shoes when he's not around. Sure, I'm capable of taking care of myself - I do it 95% of the time. The other 5% is priceless.

It's too late for Earth Day

I love the Earth as much as the next human being living on it (DUH). I venture into Whole Foods, I don't litter etc. etc. When these sorta cute "I'm not a Plastic Bag" bags came out a while ago I briefly thought about getting one (very very briefly). But then I saw the second version online somewhere. Much more my style. The girl who thought this up can be my friend any time.

I couldn't help myself

I highly dislike Mariah Carey. That's to put it lightly. So when I saw this picture, after vomiting in my mouth a little, I had to post it. What the eff is going on in this photo?
1. She knows how big the pic will be and is thus trying to fit her whole body into it. [hahaha when I first typed this I typed "hole"]
2. She is bending over so the photographer has a good shot of her enormous cleavage.
3. Her "skirt" is so short, she didn't wear underpants and is trying to avoid flashing her "South Florida." This is the least likely option as I'm pretty sure no one wears "skirts" this short unless they WANT everyone to see their "South Florida."

SKANK.

Photo by Humberto Carreno/Startraks from People.com

Oh no she di'int!

I got tagged. I got tagged good by Faithsalutes. As I'm in the midst of finals panic, I can't promise this will be very entertaining. So here's the story. To make it a bit more interesting, I will come up with some half-assed crazy things about myself, then I will ask J to come up with his best "top crazy things about Helen." I'm sure he can come up with many, many more than 6. I will post them all in a future post to make up for my lame ones. So here it goes.

The rules:

* link to the person that tagged you
* post the rules on your blog
* share six non-important things/habits/quirks about yourself
* tag six random people at the end of your post by linking to their blogs
* let each random person know that they have been tagged by leaving a comment on their blog

Here it goes.

1. I procrastinate by telling myself that I cannot concentrate on work until the house (or at least my room) is clean. Whatever. At least the cleaning gets done.

2. Up until my late teens I used to eat apples and pears whole. I'd munch on the core and swallow the seeds. People made fun of me. I had no idea why - why waste deliciousness?

3. I have never cheated on a test. I think the guilt would kill me.

4. I judge people by whether they put their bare feet up on my coffee table. Only the select few can get away with it, and even then it totally grosses me out.

5. I don't think bathroom humor is at all funny. I also judge people by whether they find it funny.

6. I print out or bookmark numerous recipes that I swear I'm going to cook. I have only made one dish from all of those. I keep telling myself (and J) that it is because I don't have the appropriate kitchen gadgets or the correct size of pot/dish/skillet. I feel smug when he seemingly buys it.

I'm tagging (I have 4 friends with blogs. So sue me):
Steph
Jen
Kristina
Alethea

Martha Martha Martha

I need to make these. I don't bake - major dilemma! Maybe starting with a souffle is not the best idea? How cute are these, though? Get the recipe here. And if you make it I want a taste!

Photo courtesy of MarthaStewart.com

Uh...hello? Anyone there?

Will blog soon. Promise. A month of craziness = no motivation to blog. I will be back (with a vengeance)!

What I will not be watching on friday night

Um. Netflix has gone insane. Something called "Breastford Wives" is in its new comedy releases. For your reading pleasure, here is the description of the "comedy":

"Taylor Wane and Glori-Anne Gilbert star in this erotic Stepford Wives takeoff. After moving to quiet Breastford, Rob and Laura are visited by the town's luscious and insatiable Women's Association. The Breastford wives' libidos are in overdrive, and Rob and Laura set out to uncover the truth … no matter what it takes. Only the town's controlling mayor knows the secret behind the ladies' wanton behavior."

I think I figured out what I want to do after law school. I want to be the person who writes captions for "comedies."